so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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