Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
