Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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