yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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