so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
