i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
