I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
