he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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