with your own penis?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
