i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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