this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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