Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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