im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Do vagina's smell?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
