Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
