so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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