Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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