my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
