Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
