Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
