Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
