"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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