She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
