It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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