all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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