Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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