2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
