Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
This toilet bowl is my home.
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