remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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