So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
