The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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