He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
