So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
