If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
