Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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