i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
