I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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