theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
