I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
