i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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