I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
