I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
