my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
