I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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