I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
