he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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