I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
