just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
if i can run in heels then i can drive
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
