Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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