He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
