If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
