I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
