matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
