So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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