He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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